A girl’s guide to getting us off (Guest Post)

Hope you all enjoy this guest post by the sexy Infamous Jen – Jeff

Thanks Jeff! Loving the new site, of course I may be a bit biased since I designed and built it. hehe

So it seems that many guys say it takes far too long to get us girls off. Now that may be true for some girls…we are each unique of course. But there are a few sure fire ways to get most girls off and fairly quickly if you do it just right.

First, guys I can’t emphasize this one enough…FOREPLAY! Seriously, I’ve found that over 75% of guys have no real clue as to what foreplay is! They just want to get straight to naked, straight to fucking. There’s no “sexy” or “sensual” in that. Girls are sensual creatures, we need foreplay, that’s what gets us going. A little bit of true foreplay will get us going faster than anything else.

What is foreplay…take our clothes off slowly, savoring our bodies as they are revealed…explore our bodies with your hands, your mouth…soft light teasing touches to start. Kiss us like you mean it, I can’t tell you how many guys forget that kissing is even a thing once the clothes are off. Tell us how sexy you find our bodies…girls are self conscious, so let us hear how sexy you find those things about our bodies that we probably consider flaws.

Second, there’s this little thing just above that heavenly hole you are so anxious to get into, called a clitoris. Play with it, tease it, lick it, suck it, circle your finger around it…just for god’s sake don’t IGNORE IT! We have more feeling in that little nub of flesh than we do in all of our vagina…so use it.

Now, many will tell you that the g-spot is a myth…it’s really not…it exists. And it can be miraculous for a woman if you can find it. But let her guide you to it if she knows where it’s at, because it’s not necessarily fun to have some guy who has no clue blundering around trying to find it. And if she doesn’t know where it is, take the time to find it…I mean, spend a long sensual evening finding it, don’t blunder around like a clueless bull in a china shop. Once you know where it’s at, it’s easy to find again…I swear.

And finally, please for the love of god, if we are struggling to get off, have some damned patience. What you as a man can’t understand, is that us girls have a harder time turning our brains off. That’s where that foreplay comes in, it gets our mind off of all those things we worry about…I mean seriously who can think clearly when a hot guy slowly undresses you and explores your body like it’s the first time they’ve seen one? That’s a rhetorical question, NO ONE CAN!

So go, practice what you’ve been taught…give those girls some sensual foreplay and they’ll do whatever you want them too…well within reason!

– Kisses from The Infamous Jen

Swingers Cruise November with Topless Travel

Couples Cruising!

OK, Well this was about the most fun any one person could ever have on a cruise ship. Hell we could have never made port anywhere and we would have all had a great time! I know the cruise lines make money on the excursions people take at the ports of call. I get that. But I will tell you, we don’t need them. Just park the damn boat off the coast and lets party! The boat has everything you could ever possibly want to do on it. But, if you do decided to go ashore, do it through the ships people. We have left people at a port of call before. If you get lost or missing and the cruise line does not know where you are, we are gone and your on your own to get home. End of great time.

Now, as far as the ship, OMG! This was so awesome, I do wish we could have sex on deck, but that’s just a dream, I know. Other then that, the food was great, the rooms where great and the people where HOT! I painted like a mad man. I painted some many people, everyone knew my work. Even with Four other painters on the same cruise, I painted 7 time more then they did COMBINED! That’s because, above all else, this is my job, my work, and you are my clients. I will make you all happy if I can. Hell, the best night for all of us was the Mardi Gras theme night. I was painting all night and literally on my knees and exhausted when I left my station, 12 HOURS LATER! By the way, thank you all for waiting for me in line so patiently, I love you all for that.

The Topless Travel crew where on their game again! It went like clockwork for the guests of Topless Travel. From the awesome meet and greet at the Marriott, to the loading of hundreds of couples to the ship, which I helped with gladly. To the cruise and booking for another trip. From the flawless efforts and the great thinking to have busses waiting for the clients at port instead of the clients waiting for the busses, to the easy getting on and leaving such a great trip. Bravo guys, nice job!

So if anyone has any vacation time to spend, do it with Topless Travel and get on one of the lifestyle cruises that are left on the calendar. These trips book up fast and they are about the best swingers vacation you can have on a boat!

As for the ports of call, well, Haiti was great, private beach and all, zip lining was the bomb. Jamaica was a great port with a tourist area and not even having to leave the pier. And then Cozumel Mexico, I heard the beach excursion was the best to take. I loved it. But to tell the truth, I could have stayed on the boat and had just as great a time. You decide and I will see you topside by the main pool for your body painting. Pack light, I have your outfits in my paint box… LOL!

Where to go: Topless Travels Couples Cruises…. Any of them!

Things to do: Wear sunscreen and get naked on deck!

Songs to listen to: “Bend it like you don’t care” by Tiesto

Hedo 2

Hedonism 2

Well, where to start! This place is the best freakn place to have fun ever! I know the history of the resort and its demise into swinger history… but its back and back with a ROAR! OMG! This place is a whole new Hedo! The new owners are really into the resort and making it the best they can. Now, its still a bit of a bus trip to and from Hedo, but it is soooo worth it! From the great people who run it ad man the many aspects of the heaven on earth, to the great people who get you there, like the people at Topless Travel! The crew was awesome and had their stuff together. Now some things, the resort still has to address in my book. Like over booking.. and making the nude side, THE NUDE SIDE. Holly crap people, really, wearing clothes on the nude side. As I like to say, “Sandals is just down the beach!”
Now, as far as the resort itself, WOW the food was out of this world and the service was nothing short of a four star corporate hotel, But this one is fun! The entertainment was so freakn good I thought I was at a Vegas show. The pool was cleaned every day, I had hot water in my shower and the drinks where everywhere. The nude side, as usual was the best side to be on. That’s where I painted naked bodies. Oh ya! Right next to the best grill in Negril! The rain could not even put a damper on my smile. As the rain came down for a few minutes, I cooled off and thought of all you poor people not with me on the beach at that time. OMG if you ever get a thought about going anywhere at anytime to have a great vacation and do it in the nude with great friends, THIS IS THE PLACE!
I have had promise after promise to get me there, and if wasn’t for Joe at Topless Travel, that dream could not have ever been a reality! See Joe if you want to go!

As for the new owners, I love them, awesome down to earth friendly and ready to make changes for the best! All I can say about this place is, Go for the Hedo Body Painting Contest, and go to have fun, just go! See you in Hedo! Yes, that’s right. The great entertainment staff wants to do a “Miss Hedo Body Painting Contest” and I say lets do it!
The rooms, all of them are being renovated and put into the best shape ever. From flat screen TVs with porn all the time, to great house keeping, clean towels and sheets to spare. The Grounds where right out of any ones tropical fantasies. Beautiful, colorful and pleasant to just go for a walk, which I did every day before breakfast. From tennis courts to s squash court. From large chess sets to pool tables and play rooms. What more could you ask for. This is in my book, “A Swingers Paradise” Now you need to check with Topless Travel to find out when the best takeover days are. They are and always will be a hotel. And in being just that, they fill up as fast as they can with anyone who wants to be there. From Fetish groups , Nudists, or just European vacationers. So if you want Swingers, talk to Joe! See you at HEDO!
Where to go: Hedonism 2 in Negril, Jamaica
Things to do: Play at Hedo!
Songs to listen to: “Aint a party without me” David Guetta remix

Southern Decadence 2013 New Orleans

This was a time to remember, in more ways then one. Wow! The vanillas and breeders didn’t even know the guys where coming… LOL! I did.. I am not gay but OMG can these guys and girls party!
Over the Labor Day weekend, this celebration of being equal and one love should be realized around the world. What a weekend. I painted at Ritas Tequila House on Bourbon as usual. We all thought it would be calm and the party would be down at the gay side… nope! It was on. I had a blast and the guys I painted.. no I did not paint their units.. illegal on Bourbon and I would not have done it any way, they got painted up in all kinds of ways. The rainbow flag being the most popular design of course. Their was two guy in particular who got painted up with the flag design on Friday afternoon and on Sunday night, they where still wearing it. They had a few touch ups here and there, but three days! Man I love my paint! They did too!
I met up with one of my good friends and he brought four of his friends down to Ritas to get painted as well. They loved it! One had the English flag with rainbow colors at the bottom, another had the full rainbow flag, one had a Swiss flag with running rainbow colors and the last, his initials with the colors and all with a ton of glitter! So cool! I was able to stay with some friends in uptown. They let me bunk on their futon in the front room. What a great part of Nawlins, uptown has got to be seen to be believed. The houses, the gardens, the beauty can’t be missed in your life time, a must see. I made some of my best designs, had a great time with friends and loved the festivities.
If you ever get the chance to be down in the New Orleans area for the labor day weekend, go, you would think it was a hot version of Mardi Gras. As I painted the guys and girls with their flag designs, a straight guy came up to me and asked, “What’s with all the gays, there is more then usual?” I almost hit him, then I just laughed and said, “What, you don’t know it is Southern Decadence?” He looked at me as if I was crazy.. LOL His loss, I would hate to go through life being that shallow, I know some can’t help it but it is 2013! Wake up!
For my vanilla friends who let me stay with them so nice and easy. I am sorry for any inconveniences I placed on you by being in your home, but take some advice…. Go to bed at a decent hour will ya! Bar people…. LOL. Now for my final word on this, for those of you, straight and gay who made this a great weekend, thank you! Your amazing people and I will party with you any time!
Things to do: Go to a gay party if you are straight, its good for your perspective, and they will let you don’t worry.

Places to go: New Orleans Uptown and Garden District, so nice!
Song to listen to: DJ Shadow – “Organ Donor Live” so spooky, and I heard it in N.O. first!

What to do at your NEXT convention

OK, well here it is. My condensed version of my “Phuck like a porn star” class. Ready? OK, well, first off. Why the hell do you people always bring your fiends to a swingers party? Have you heard the expression,” Bringing pussy to a pussy convention?” How dumb is that? The reason you got out off work, got sitters for the kids and spent a ton of money is so that you can play with people you will never see again. Fuck your friends at home when you are at home! The whole idea of a swingers convention is to play and gather with those who you haven’t had the chance to because they live so far away. Ok I get the whole comfort thing.. but really, your swingers get out of your freakn’ box and take some chances about meeting new people. STOP the clicks!
Now that we are alone.. lol. Lets talk about what to do, and how to do it. First off. STOP saying “We will get to them, or that later.” NO you won’t! Because they will be under me! If you don’t take advantage of them right when you meet them and live in the moment, well, they will move on to me and I will get them. Your shit out of luck. So stop waiting till the last minute and not getting who and what you wanted out of your time at convention. Really, I see people all the time talking to their friends from home and letting some great times with other people pass them by. Your loss.
Ok number two, and yes, this is shit! I mean what the fuck are you thinking. Drinking like this is an anti AA meeting or something. Really, if you have to get that fucking drunk to do anything, especially sex, then you should not have ever come in the first place. If I am going to give you all I’ve got, I want you to remember it, and so should you. I know I am not the only one who has heard of drunk dick. Guys, really, your girl is hot and ready and you can’t do any thing about it. Dumb ass. Now if playing is not your thing, OK that’s cool, but stop fucking with every one elses good time. The couple your cock blocking from having a good time is going to hate you in the morning. There goes your rep. If you ever had one.
So what have we learned today.. well. Have fun, remember what and who you are playing with. And always look for new and exciting people to play with… NOW your swinging. So the next convention you go to, or couples cruise, Leave the friends at home or at least have them get their own cabin or room. Do what you want to, but live on the edge, just think, this could be your last convention ever. So live it like it is! Remember. Life is for the living, and if your not going to go to the edge, get off my world. Now book your next convention before it sells out. Stop making excuses for not doing it. Have fun, play safe, swing better!

Song of the day: Hardwell, W&W – Jumper (Original Mix) …Rave on!!!!!
Thing to do: Book an adventure for the two of you today! That’s why god made credit cards..LOL
Places to go: New Orleans, not just for Naughty in Nawlins but any time…. Love that town.

Oral Sex, lets make it fair now…. Ladies….

Ok so, oral sex, most of us are familiar with, usually starts off with her going down on him, then a transition from him getting it, to going down on her. She slowly gets out of her clothes and he goes down on her. As he is giving her pleasure and waiting for that hard to get, female orgasm, then after she comes hard on him and squirts in his mouth. He cleans her up, she goes down on him to finish him off. She gets him close, jerks him hard, puts her face by his tip and as he gives her the verbal world wide indication of a pending orgasm, (The deep base grunt and OMG) he starts to come by shooting his load, AND THEN she gets the horrible look on her face, aims him away from herself, says ”Oooooow yuck!” and he comes on her thigh … WTF!
Really? Really? Although you ladies may never think of us guys as being sensitive or self aware, we are! And by showing me and telling me every time I cum, that it’s the worst thing in your life, is NOT reinforcing good positive feelings inside of me that sex and cumming is a positive thing. We are simple creatures with simple needs (men) and to feel good about sex is one of the most important to us! How would you feel, as a women, if when you came for me, I turned your ass away from me screamed “Ooooww yuck!” and had you cum on your own. Feel sexy now? Well do ya? I know I don’t! Just for once think of how your man might feel. We are listening to you and we know how you feel.. not cool!
I get it that its messy, SEX is messy, from either of us. Now let me get this straight, you want me to lick your pussy, the thing all sorts of stuff comes out of that we do know about, and the way some of you don’t clean all the way, smell it, you want me to put my tongue a half an inch from your ass hole, how you wiped well enough, lick it with energy and enthusiasm, tell you how sexy you are and let you ooze your fluids into my mouth, and you won’t take my cum on you face!!!!! WTF! Now don’t get me wrong, I love oral sex with women, yes I do, to me, there is nothing any more satisfying then to have you cum on my face, body, penis, whatever! I love the feel, taste, and smell of a CLEAN vagina, but you won’t do the same for me….. you should think about how you react, what you might look like and change the way you play.
Here is how! Lie to us, yes lie! Tell us how hot it is to watch cum shoot on your hand. Tell me how hot is makes you feel when I cum on your leg. Don’t make me feel like a second rate partner by having you restrict me to your rolled eyes and a shot on your ass. Really, I can see you doing that, Not sexy! No! Not at all. And you wonder why we don’t call you in the morning… duh! You know why we like watching porn? Because the girls in the videos look like they are loving and eating up every second and drop of a mans cum. THAT’S what WE want! Some one to savor us as we savor them. Get it!
So ladies and gentlemen, if you want your partner to like what you’re doing and want to do it again. I would start at your reaction to their orgasm. Like I have said many times before, “The trick to getting people to fuck you TWICE is to make them feel great about themselves the FIRST time!”
Thing to do: Try to make your partner feel good and their bodily fluids.
Places to go: Local hotel for the night, make it trashy.
Song of the day: Blackmill – The Drift